The Parade magazine folded, spindled and mutilated into my July 8 (2007) newspaper had a piece called “We Challenged You To Think Outside The Box . . . You Found a Better Idea”. It is credited to the readers “with commentary by idea gurus Ian Ayres and Barry Nalebuff.”

Some of the ideas were good, others bad, including three about cars/drivers. Perhaps this is because the idea gurus are Yale (law and management) professors, maybe because Boston is home to the 3rd rudest drivers in the country, or maybe because they’re all ways to avoid addressing the problem rather the symptoms.

The first bad idea is one-way tire shredders on highway exits. Like those at pay parking lots and aggressive car dealerships, these flatten tires when you drive over them. According to Parade, these would “allow cars to safely exit but prevent vehicles from accidentally entering a highway the wrong direction.”

This presents a false sense of security to me. In L.A. you can watch a “high-speed” (the suspect vehicle is moving) chase almost anytime. These guys drive around spike strips that are temporary so anything well-signed won’t stop them. I’ve watched guys run 20 miles with no tires, still plenty of time to cause serious carnage. And many of the DUI offenders wouldn’t notice their tires were flat.

Imagine the official who had to use tax dollars to install them needing more tax dollars to replace wrecked emergency responder tires. Infrastructure is bad enough without a slippery bump at the end of every ramp. And no police department wants to confiscate for the DARE program a car with no wheels and tires.

The next bad idea is warning lights for unsafe drivers, wherein the hazard “light” goes on, so “everyone else would know whom to watch out for.” Ugh, where do I start?

One, if its hazard light the singular, it means another light and Americans are already overwhelmed with lights as evidenced by the inability to employ turn signals. Two, even if you can’t see the phone in their hand, anyone yelling and waving their hands while a solo occupant in a closed car should be given a wide berth.  Three, it will look like Las Vegas with so many lights on. Four, if they have an old car and the brakes are on, will anyone notice the front turn signals are on solid and not blinking, and take the suggested action?

An idea within suggested insurance companies drop anyone involved in an accident while talking on a cell phone. Maybe you can get the guy who rear-ended you at a red light, while you were on the phone, to be forced to get you covered?

There is some merit, just like those suggesting fines/points be tripled or quadrupled for any offense committed while on a cell phone. Maybe we should all send in pictures of insurance execs driving and talking.

Next time, the third bad better idea.