Diesels In Hell 4x4 Test Drive

[Archive]

This is an insert to the many stories that will be told about our visit to Hell. I am starting with this story because it happened close to the end of the rally and is still fresh in my mind (not that I will be able to forget it).

We were shuttled to the far north end of the DC proving grounds by several Dodge Vans (what'd you think they would use, Fords?) to the 4x4 off road course for a little fun in the mud. This event was extremely popular and there were two lines, each about an hour wait time. DC had four Dakota automatics and two Cummins Ram 6 speeds running the course. Each vehicle was monitored by what looked like engineering students (when I say monitored, I mean that they rode shot-gun to tell us what we couldn't do with the trucks. hehehe).

When I saw the length of the lines I decided that it wasn't important for me to drive one, as long as I got to feel my head banging against the roof in an old fashioned 4x4 ride. So I accepted am invitation from Markcuda and ride with him, his wife and daughter. Everything was fine when we piled into the Cummins Ram, until we all realized that Markcuda had never driven a stick shift. He reached down and pulled the lever for the emergency brake, but whoa that was the hood release!

Markcuda figured he was ready to roll and dumped the clutch, chugging out of the pit area narrowly missing the tech student who was trying to close the hood for us. Down the first hill he chugged in 1st low. We progressed through the course in this manner, up and down and around some bends and over a huge rock pile, until we reached a big deap mud pit with dirt sides, about four feet high. I told Markcuda that he better get up some speed to make it throught that mud hole and he responded that I didn't know how to four wheel (which is probably true) so I sat back to watch how he would manage. We hit the mud hole doing about two mph, and immediately sunk to the middle of the doors in muddy water. Steam erupted from all around the Ram and I heard boiling noises emitting from the floor. At first I thought he had snagged something and ripped a radiator hose off, but I soon realized that Markcuda never released the parking brake. The rear brake drums were probably red hot and were now immersed in water. By the time we crept through the mud hole the rear brakes mannaged to evaporate half of the water.

Just after the mud hole we came upon a pile of trees that were stacked across the course. Markcuda decided that this obstacle would require more speed so he accelerated in sixth gear. Remember, up to this point Markcuda was used to driving this truck with the emergency brake on.... I would have avoided the obstacle, if it were my truck, but Markcuda decided that the logs were put there for him, personally, to drive over. As Mark sped up, we were all surprised by the G forces, since we were used to the slower pace. My head bounced off of the back window and I saw a shower of stars. Markcuda hit that pile of logs and away we went, sailing through the sky. The tech student was dumbfounded, sitting there with his eyes wide, big as tea cups. I started to laugh until we hit dirt on the other side of the log pile and I bit my tongue.

The next obstacle loomed before us. It was a series of steps made of 12x12 timbers. The Ram was still traveling at a good rate of speed and I wanted to yell for Markcuda to hit the brakes, but I was choking on blood from my bit tongue and couldn't say nothing but "gurgle, spit, spit!". Slam!, we hit the base of the steps and rattled up to the top as fast as the truck would go in 6th low.

At the top of the steps we had to make a hard right and decend a 20 foot drop-off. Markcude managed to slam on the brakes in the turn and skidded down the drop-off with the brakes locked up. Of coarse the engine stalled in the middle of the drop and we slid to the side of the trail smacking the drivers side mirror against a big oak tree. We started sliding down the decline and Markcuda had enough sense to take his foot off the brake and pop the clutch, which brought the engine back to life. There was only one problem with the situation at this point, the engine restarted in reversed rotation, so here we were at the bottom of the drop-off, trying to climb it. Black smoke was billowing from the right front fender and there was a weird sick sound of mud being sucked up the tailpipe.

Once again, Markcuda responded with a quick action and threw the truck into reverse, finishing the course without further mishaps, except maybe the inevitable firing of the tech student that was riding with us.


Doc and the "Rambi Slayer"
Secretary: Great Lakes TDR

Ram Fast - Dream Hard

[This message has been edited by Doc Tinker (edited 06-25-2000).]