Dear Abbey!

[Champane Flight]

Dear Abby:
>
> I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
> carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia
> and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a
> transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for
> growing and
> selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters
> who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers. One is
> currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of
> a teenage
> boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the
> Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.
>
> I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
> lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl"
> in a
> brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our
> own
> brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters
> would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them
> not
> to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and,
> hopefully, the heroin.
>
> My problem is this: I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her
> into the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with
> her.
> Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?
>
> Signed,
> Worried About My Reputation