Why I've Decided To Vote Democrat

[HBarlow]

Subj: Why I'll be voting Democrat


Things to be given some legitimate thought and perhaps openly discussed by reasonable, responsible voters:

I'm voting Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job spending the money I earn than I can.

I'm voting Democrat because people who believe in sensible restrictions on illegal immigration are racists and because I know that compassionate liberals sleep with their front doors wide open.

I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, the bad guys will stop planning to kill us because they'll realize we're nice people.

I'm voting Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody claims to be offended by what I have to say.

I'm voting Democrat because people who can't be sure if it will rain tomorrow can assure us that the polar ice caps will melt in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I'm voting Democrat because religion has ruined our country and because atheists, who believe only in the rules they make up for themselves, will probably run the country less selfishly than those who agree on the principles of the Ten Commandments.

I'm voting Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of innocent babies as long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I'm voting Democrat because we should leave our own oil in the ground and continue to depend on the Saudis to sell us theirs at a fair price.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to keep earned profits but should give 80% to the government for buffalo DNA research and protecting snail darters.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe brilliant judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few months to satisfy ideological extremists who could never get their agendas approved by thinking voters.

I'm voting Democrat because I think the kids who did no homework and carved graffiti on the classroom desks while I was learning in school deserve a healthy percentage of my earnings today.

I'm voting Democrat because in a compassionate nation with plenty of A's and B's to give away, good government should allow no child to be given a failing grade on his report card.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe we shouldn't fight the terrorists "over there" and because I don't want to have any guns around the house to fight them with when they come here.

I'm voting Democrat because Guantanamo should be closed and because terrorist suspects should be held in less intimidating facilities closer to my child's school.

I'm voting Democrat because who or what I kiss in public is my choice, so I've decided to role model for America's kids by calling my relationship with my hamster a marriage and filing for tax benefits.

I'm voting Democrat because I think sanctuary cities should protect the identities of not only border jumpers but also of those who break any laws that people smarter than the rest of us don't think are that important.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that an oil company's standard profit of 8% on a gallon of gas is obscene but that the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% is not.

I'm voting Democrat because I accept that Barack Obama will bring the same kind of change to the White House that Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid have brought to the Congress.

I'm voting Democrat because the rest if the country should be more like San Francisco.

In fact I sometimes wonder why anyone would EVER vote Republican.